We all feel guilty, but can we use guilt for good? Watch Insight’s Guilt episode .
Guilt is a relentless companion in the lives of many parents. It became a daily struggle for me when my two beautiful children came into the world.
Society views our role as fathers as provider and protector, and this became deeply ingrained in me, pushing me straight into the realm of workaholism.
Driven by the need for my family to be financially secure, I immersed myself in long hours and constantly worried about the what-if question: What if I lost my job? How would I care for my children?
This dedication to work, while rooted in good intentions, had unforeseen consequences.
As a provider, I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and stressed, consumed with the fear of an uncertain future.
Work became my refuge, a place where I could ensure the safety of my family.
However, this focus on material amenities came at the expense of emotional amenities.
The consequences of focusing on work
In the pursuit of stability, I have inadvertently sacrificed quality time with my children and being fully present with them.
Even while playing, work invaded my thoughts, taking away the precious moments I had with my children.
The guilt was unbearable because I knew my children felt my energy and presence.
The impact went beyond my relationship with the children; it seeped into my marriage.
The same distracted presence that affected my interactions with my children drove a wedge between my wife and me.
Slowly but surely we drifted apart, and eventually the marriage ended.
The loneliness that followed increased my guilt, now compounded by the realization that I had failed to keep my family together.
Stephen says time with these children is precious. Source: Delivered
A need for support
I recognized the need for change. I used the guilt as a powerful motivator, a catalyst to transform my behavior and prioritize my relationship with my children.
Without support during the breakup, I decided to invest in myself, find a mentor and life coach, and do my utmost to become a better father and, fundamentally, a better person.
In the process of self-improvement, I discovered a significant gap in the broader community: the lack of support for fathers, especially those dealing with divorce.
Conversations with my coach revealed the extreme need for emotional support and human connection during such tumultuous times for fathers.
From this realization emerged the idea of a “dad community,” a judgment-free refuge for fathers from all parts of society facing similar challenges.
Finding community
Last year this community took shape, and the overwhelming response encouraged me to take a leap of faith and leave my career behind to fully commit to this vital community cause.
Dads Community has become a beacon of hope, offering comfort and support to fathers burdened by guilt and shame.
In the wake of family breakdowns and other personal, family and societal challenges that fathers face, many will withdraw, isolate themselves and struggle with mental health issues. Some turn to drugs and alcohol as coping mechanisms.
The community acts as a benevolent force, providing fathers and men with the help they need, whether connecting with professionals or fostering community partnerships.
Stephen has analyzed his parental guilt and tries to help others deal with their feelings of guilt. Source: Delivered
Using guilt for good
Guilt, once the catalyst of my downfall, has become a force for positive change.
It drives me to continually evolve as an individual, strengthen my relationships with my children, and make a meaningful impact on society through the transformative work of Dads Community.
The journey from parental guilt to redemption has reshaped my life and become a lifeline for countless fathers and families.
Today’s world is challenging to navigate. We are meant to be an emotionally available partner and father, a great communicator, a safe person for everyone, a boss who understands each person’s needs and values, an employee who meets KPIs in a commercially driven world, and a available friend.
There are a lot of expectations to meet, especially if you are hard on yourself. This is where community comes in, where the burden can be shared with like-minded people.
I am very grateful for the challenges life has shown me. Guilt is my moral compass and will continually correct my behavior.
Readers seeking mental health support can contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. More information is available at . supports people from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds.