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I’m the type of person who, once I start something, I go all out.
When I started mountain biking in New Zealand, where I used to live, I quickly became obsessed with it.
What started as a hobby quickly turned into a job in a mountain bike shop where I was the manager, became a track builder and traveled the world building tracks.
Mountain biking was my life, my identity, my community.
It gave me a purpose in my life.
I loved the brotherhood I had built through my passion and I believed those friendships would last a lifetime.
But one day everything changed.
The hardest decision I’ve ever had to make
I had become a father for the first time and I was overjoyed.
When my daughter was nine months old I was racing at an event and had a terrible crash and came very close to breaking my neck and back.
I had broken many bones over the years, but this time was different.
My wife and baby were there, and it was a huge wake-up call. I was lucky to walk away from that crash. At that moment I knew I had to choose my family over my obsession.
I guess I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to be the father I wanted to be, or that I wouldn’t be able to provide for my family.
I could have taken it a bit easier.
But for me it was either all or nothing at all. So I decided to leave the sport I loved and it was the hardest decision I’ve ever made.
I didn’t expect people to run after me, but I did expect to have a little more support.
This sent me into a deep depression. During this time I quickly realized that I was also starting to lose connections with everyone I thought were my friends within the mountain bike scene.
Yeah, I was gone. I didn’t expect people to be chasing me, but I did think I would have had a little more support.
Even though there were still occasional conversations via social media, I still felt very alone.
I tried to slowly get back to mountain biking, but it wasn’t the same. The passion and enthusiasm were gone.
But I knew I needed connection and something new, so I joined a local kayak group and made new friends again.
Through self-reflection I found peace
I kayaked for about four years, but ironically had to stop due to old injuries from mountain biking. I kept a few friendships from the kayaking world, but I was glad those friends had served a purpose for me and I had done the same for them.
I had also now found peace with what had happened after my injury, and had time to reflect on the past. I had the realization that nothing lasts forever.
Friendships are no exception, but it has taught me how important connection is, even outside of sports.
Now the next adventure was planned: moving to Australia.
After Tim and his family moved to Australia, he joined a local community group for fathers. Source: Delivered
I decided to take a year off and switch roles with my wife. I took time to spend time with my youngest daughter before she went to school. Although I loved being a stay-at-home dad, I missed the social connection.
A friend of mine pointed me to a Facebook group called Dad’s Community.
Finding my community through being a father
I joined the group and felt at home straight away. The group was very active and suited my needs.
Once I started participating in group activities, it quickly became clear that we all had one thing in common, even though everyone had a different reason for being there: we were all on a journey that was not just about what it means to be a father, but about being a good father.
Thanks to my time in the group, I have built good contacts and friendships.
Connections that go deeper than just sharing a sport, because the struggles and successes of fatherhood are so complex.
Even though we all come from different backgrounds and have our own reasons for being here, our common interest is to be a better father than we were the day before.
We share on a deeper level, we are all there for each other and there is no judgement of anyone in the group – no matter what they are going through.
Community is very important to me and over the years I have learned some valuable lessons about friendships and connections, one of which is that you have to make yourself vulnerable to build deeper connections.
It’s so important for our mental health and overall well-being. Some friends are designed to serve a purpose, just like you are with them, and it’s okay to move on or for people to move on.
More information and support regarding mental health is available at and on 1300 22 4636 and on and on 1300 78 99 78.
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